THE FLOOR LAMP

This is actually an old post I wrote elsewhere but I feel it is a very good insight into how I feel when engaged in forniphilia:

I adore the still and silent loss of person I gain through objectification. The freedom found through suspended existence. So when I was informed this morning that part of my evening would be spent as his standard lamp I felt a potent mixture of deep restful calm and wildly erotic anticipation begin. A feeling that was to last all the day.

When the moment of transformation arrived, the person I am was already beginning to vanish. All concious thought, all woes and worries slipping safely away. Becoming nothing at all but an article that would assist him with the pleasure of reading.

Stiffened and structured by high heels, corset and posture collar. Imobilised with straps. Features hidden by a hood. Breathing becoming slower and slower, sinking deeper and deeper into another level.

The room was totally silent. There must have been the sound of pages turning, or cigarettes being lit, but my awareness was not with them. Perhaps my body was beginning to shake a little in protest at the position I was held in, but I could not feel that. Nothing, absolutely nothing was important or relevant save for my use by him, by being the light in his life.


Photo ©2007 by Alternative Mindsets

WAS I BORN THAT WAY?

Whilst I can look back on my past, way back into my childhood, and see that my sexuality in respect of BDSM was always there, it is not so easy actually seeing if my dehumanisation fetishes were there too.

The problem in defining if the fetish was always there is that generally all children like to play dress up and pretend to be something or someone else (although it could be argued that kids today are less likely to due to excessive use of TV, games consoles and computers and less using their own imaginations!).

I recall being about six years old and myself and a friend pretending to be horses in a field behind my house. Is that girl now heavily into ponyplay? I would guess not. I have however read something on a website in the past whereby a present day pony girl seemed to spend most of her childhood pretending to be a pony and actually wanting to be one.

In conclusion, it would seem MY liking for dehumanisation is a grown up thing, a way to escape from all of adult life’s little issues for a short time, the sexual buzz I get from letting another take absolute control over me.

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Canadian artist Heather Benning transformed an abandoned farmhouse into a life-sized dollhouse.



I will just have to settle for the dollbox I created in the meantime!

The kind of dollhouse that I DON'T want is these types below, built by a Korean developer. They are far too Barbielike for me!

TO MASK OR NOT TO MASK?

Talking specifically about dollification, each to their own, but my particular preference is to be masked.

When you think of a person your mind forms an image of what they look like, and even if during doll play some basic details of their face is in view then perhaps they and their partner cannot totally switch off the human aspect. Masking solves this, esecially if the eyes are not seen.

My own doll masks do not allow anyone to see my eyes. There are tiny holes there that permit me to see very slightly but it is imposssible for someone looking at me to see any glimpse of my eyes. Again, small holes at the mouth and nostrils allow me to breath but show no trace of what lies underneath.

Knowing that my human face is invisible to the outside world assists me in being a doll. Robbed of my natural features, now a hard plastic creation.

I know that if I was to simply paint my face to look doll-like I would be unable to immerse my self completely in the role. I would just feel like the plain old ordinary me with fancy make-up. I would be more inclined to speak, to show emotion, to act human, which is not what I want from a scene, and not what my Owner wants.

SURROGATES MOVIE

Saw Surrogates tonight – check out here for full details.

Set in the future where humans now send robot versions of themselves out into the world, it certainly sounded like my kind of thing! However, far from erotic, I in fact found it a little disturbing.

The lifestyle in the movie has certain likenesses with the online world of Second Life. Ok, the technology in the movie is far more advanced than is used to access Second Life, and the people’s minds enter into the real world, but both have a human attached to a computer system, being who they want to be rather than who they actually are. Near the start of the movie we see a sexy blonde female surrogate is actually a middle aged fat bald bloke - the classic Second Life twist!

Anyway, I digress……..

I think the reason that I found the movie a little disturbing was simply because as much as I relish, desire and need those times when I fade away from being me, by the same token I have absolutely no desire to spend the rest of my life inhuman or pretending to be something that I am actually not.

All in all, a good movie, holding my attention from beginning to end. The really bad thing though is Bruce Willis’s surrogate’s hair – what was he thinking!!!!

I WANT TO BE YOUR DOLL

You turn me on
You put electric through my body
I am just a shell of flesh since
guilt robbed me of my emotion

You can paint my lips
and you can fix my hair up darling
I'll answer to the name you give me
Tin Tallulah

I wanna be your doll
I wanna be your sweet sweet baby
I wanna be your doll
Be your automaton masturbator

SELF-HYPNOSIS?

I know virtually nothing about hypnosis, and probably even less about self-hypnosis, but I wonder if it is this that assists me in sinking into non-human mindsets?

The very moment I begin to get dressed and ready for doll play for example, I feel myself begin to completely immerse into the role. As every minute goes by I fly away further and further from my human personality. It is not something that I consciously do, I don't talk to myself inwardly or outwardly saying "you are a doll", it just seems to happen.

And whilst in this role, there is virtually nothing that gets me out of it other than instruction to do so from my Owner. He simply says “I want ***** to come back now” and my human mind slowly returns.

Once back to me, I do recall everything that has happened during the scene, there has never been any blanks. It may however, be rather pleasant to experience that!

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DEHUMANISATION.....

….to deprive one of human qualities or attributes; divest of one’s individuality.

Sounds good to me!

My dehumanisation manifests in various ways. Some days I may simply be a piece of furniture or an object used for decorative purposes, other days I may be a doll, a robot, pony or pet. Occasionally it is simply the case of being stripped of who I am, becoming totally anonymous by way of head to toe covering of my appearance. This can be done with clothing such as zentai suits, or perhaps complete body wrapping with a headbox added in. I can be reduced to nothing more than a pair of breasts or a cunt. It’s never for me to say!

Whatever scenario or role I have to take demands that switch flicking in my brain, the one that removes my humanity and places a steel wall around the fundamental me. Some changes are harder than others, for example in the case of a doll or a robot, there is no personality and generally there is no way to communicate. However, as a pet or a pony, although I cannot actually speak English, I do have the ability to convey feelings and emotions albeit non-human ones. Additionally, pet or pony scenes permit free movement, whereas dolls and robots require either instructions or by-hand placement. And of course, furniture, statues and ornaments are completely immobile at all times!

My preference? The roles that remove life as well as humanity – becoming an object not of flesh and blood is what appeals the most!